I wonder about this a lot. So many days I spend depressed and it just feels like a never ending battle. Like eternity. No matter what you do, depression can creep back into you it seems like. It can ease its way back into you very sneakily. Or it can just smack you in the face out of nowhere again. Depression is war. But with limitless soldiers. Will it ever end? So I wonder can depression be cured? Will I ever be cured?
So being cured is a vague concept and can have a couple meanings. Cure can mean to just relieve someone from symptoms of a disease or condition. In this concept, yes I believe we can all find ways to relieve of our symptoms of depression.
Being cured can also mean to completely diminish a disease or condition. Is this possible with depression? Seriously. It feels impossible. Healthline claims that depression can be treated and symptoms alleviated, but an absolute cure is not possible.
However, I have heard some people claim that they have cured their depression completely. I have heard this in person and I have seen it online. I don’t know what to believe. If they are telling the truth, then I am genuinely very happy for them. I guess it also depends on what type of depression someone may have, how serious theirs is, how it affects them, and other factors.
But for those like me who are struggling so deeply, who have seriously hit rock bottom and there is literally no worse you can fall other than to end your own life, can we get rid of this completely? What do we have to do?
Some people say they believe there is a remedy for everything, every disease, every condition where you can feel completely at ease from the symptoms forever. Of course, there is relapse. But these people also say a relapse can just as easily be cured.
I don’t know. I don’t know what do anymore. Depression is so weird. I have good days too. I have days when I honestly don’t feel depressed. Like my brain somehow just gives me a break. It takes a break for a day and lets me be okay. But who am I kidding? This day seems to be one out of twenty. But why can’t it be every day.
Every day seems to be a struggle. I always have bad days with my depression. Like I am climbing a mountain but no matter how far I climb, there is no top. There is no plateau. So it’s like I am constantly pushed two steps back and then two steps forward and on and on and on.
Some people say you have to find the root cause of your depression and then effectively combat it from there. What if you know a root cause but can’t fight it? What if you don’t know your root cause? What if your root cause is a part of you? What if you suffer from other mental illnesses as well like anxiety, OCD, or borderline personality disorder? The combination must make everything so different right?
Depression is a fire. A massive fire inside of you. But it feels like no matter what you do, this fire will always stay lit. It will never completely go out. You can make it smaller. Make it tiny some days like you can’t feel it inside of you anymore. But somehow in someway it cannot just diminish for good. It will constantly build back up and up and then down and down.
I guess if you don’t struggle with depression you wouldn’t have any clue how it actually feels. I have heard a ton of people say I just don’t understand this mental illness of depression. Like we all get sad sometimes? We all get stuck in a hole sometimes. It’s normal. You just have to find your way out. Yes, but depression is like getting stuck in that hole and not being able to get out. Not being able to find a way out. Not being able to see a way out. Not being able to even feel like you can get out.
It’s dark. Very dark. Truly, truly detrimental. I sometimes feel like nothing. Like I am already dead. And depression is killing me because I am living in this death. So hard to understand. So hard to explain. I can’t even understand it myself. I have spent years trying to understand how mental illness affects me. Why I am feeling it?
Why a certain day I feel a spurt of joy, like I feel like I can live my life full of potential and happiness and just genuinely be happy. While other days I am drowning underwater. And just as I am about to die, I am brought back over the surface to take half a breath and then shoved right back down and the cycle continues. It is slowly killing me and it is so painful. While other days I am completely emotionless. A zombie. I am not hurting. Like depression has sucked every feeling out of me. Like I already let it claim its victory. While other days I don’t even address my depression and it doesn’t address me. We cycle each other out. But on the flip side, I don’t know who I am anymore. I am no one. I have no problems. But I have nothing to live for as well.
It is so weird. So it makes it me question if this feeling, this condition, this disease, this entity inside of me well ever just go away. Will it? What do I do to make it go away? I obviously do things to manage my depression. I have done practically everything. Some people claim depression can only be managed, not completely cured. Do I just believe this then? Kind of like chronic pain, it feels like it will never completely go away, you just have to manage it every day.
Some people say managing depression is basically curing it. It is something you have to manage every day and work hard at it. But can we completely cure it, like getting someone cancer free after treatment. I don’t know. Do I just accept that depression is a part of me? Like it’s the other half of my brain. Like it is my heart. Like I can’t live without it?
Who knows honestly. But I will continue every day. Fight every day. I am not just going to give it the victory. It may always be a part of me. But I will continue to battle it. I have come this far and fought it for so long. That must mean something.
Anyways, here is a list of tips when fighting depression and anxiety that I made. I try to implement these. It can be very hard sometimes but we all have to try our hardest to battle. And if you don’t know where to start, there is always hope. Remember that. Let’s all work together.
If you have hit the lowest you can possibly go and you are still here, there is only going up. You should be proud you are still here and have made it this far. Don’t know where to start and how to get help for depression? Take a look at that article.
And I also really liked this video. Kati Morton takes us through one of her self-care days which is extremely important. Instead of planning it out, she just goes with it which is an excellent idea. Instead of planning a day out and constantly feeling like you have to adhere to what you planned, just go with it, do what feels good and do what is right. It will be so much more enjoyable.